TOGETHER
1
There are some days in a man’s life which he cannot forget how hard he might try, and those memories become a burden for a lifetime. One such night came into my life on October 1, last year when I met with an accident while driving a bike. That day I lost everything I ever had - my confidence, the peace and tranquility in my life and… a part of my body! When I came back to my senses I found that one of my legs had been amputated.
Days rolled on and each moment the world changed, but for me it had come to a standstill. It never lets me sleep at night. When I look into the mirror my insides wriggle in pain and scream but no one can hear it! I don’t know how much blood I had lost then, but sure enough my tears of agony and frustration has long surpassed them. I lie wide awake on my bed trying to rest. Falak stays awake too. She wipes away my tears but never says anything to me. Nights pass away silently.
Falak is my girlfriend. We stay in the same house. But are we living together? Do we belong together anymore? She loved me a lot but now? Maybe its sympathy! I can’t bear this anymore. Why does she have to put up with all my tantrums? Why does she not call me names and hit me anymore? I guess I have the answers…
I am a freelance journalist and write articles for popular youth magazines and the amount that I earn along with Falak’s income(she’s a photographer) allows us to lead a comfortable life. Our house has all the ingredients for a nice living but somehow… something is amiss. When I and Falak began living in this flat there was warmth in here…which has got lost now!
I still remember the days that we spent together during our college years- happy times. She had the spunk, the vibes that infused a lot of life into me. While the other couples hit the nightclubs we went to the sanctuaries and museums. She, being a photographer used to click away all the colourful images to her heart’s content. Once she even made me sit beside a bunch of hippies and took a picture.
She told me, “You have this long shoulder-length hair, lean look and ear studs, enough to make you look like one of them.”
It is till date one of the funkiest pictures of mine.
When we completed graduation, we decided to live together.
I said, “I miss you all the time babe and I want to see your lovely white face and hear your voice whenever I wish to. Let’s live together.”
Falak kept a somber face in the beginning and then threw herself over me.
She said, “Oh Kabir! I love you so much.”
The next month she walked out of her ancestral home… She walked out on her father; her mother was dead when she was a mere child. She absolutely hated her father for being the kind of man he was. My relationship with my parents was business-like with no strings attached.
They only said, “Do keep in touch.
2
One day I was strolling, with the help of my crutches on the lane beside my flat when I saw this girl, almost a child. She was an innocent looking tiny girl. She looked familiar but that is absurd obviously.
A week later I saw her again, this time with a boy. They were passing beneath our balcony. The girl looked up at me for once and smiled lightly. I wondered what she thought about me, or did she even ponder?
Nowadays I see them once every week. Perhaps they take tuition in the neighbourhood. Sometimes they and their friends gather close to our house for a while and chat. All of them are boys except her. They are still in high school. I have heard them talk about it. They are a happy lot. They remind me of my school days. The girl always giggles and when she does her cheeks become dented and her teeth can be seen in a nice baby way. When alone, she and the boy hold hands and walk close together. Anyone can make out they are something more than just friends. I can’t help remember all the good times I had spent with my Falak.
3
On one such day I was unwrapping a piece of chocolate, when it fell on the floor from my hand. Falak bent and picked it up from the ground, unwrapped it and was about to feed me with a bite of it. I refused.
Shamelessly I scowled, “Suddenly I have no appetite for sweets.”
I left her there flustered and looking shocked and walked into the washroom. I splashed my face with cold water but the liquid which ran through my neck was hot with humiliation and repentance. I remembered how I felt eager to have chocolates from Falak’s hands.
“Why am I behaving so harshly with Falak? Don’t I love her anymore? What is wrong with me? Goddamnit!” I thought, “Why is she putting up with me even after all this? Shouldn’t she find a physically compatible partner? I am just a handicapped moron whose life has been snatched away from him, forever. There’s no hope for me. But for her…? She should move on.”
That night we had a silent dinner. I couldn’t bear to look up at her expressionless face.
At night she crept on bed, came beside me and gave me a soft, deep, loving kiss. This was sick and inhuman! It was I, who had hurt her and not the reverse. So why was she trying to make up?
When she moved away a little, I told her without the slightest trace of emotion in my voice, “I don’t think this is gonna work… we are a bad idea I think!!”
For fraction of a second her face was drained of colour but she regained her composure quickly. Was she fighting to hold back her tears? She couldn’t cry in front of me! I had become a stranger just now! I was observing her so intently I forgot what was going on inside me… I was dying! But I was so used to this feeling. It had become a part of me.
Falak bit her lips slightly and gave a faint smile. “Ok sure. So when should I move out?”
That whole night Falak wept silently. She drenched her pillow but never uttered a word to me. The next day she went away.
I remembered the day we had moved in she was ecstatic. It was our own little space. We had promised each other love, love and all the love in this world. We had hugged a long time after that. And at night we had made sweet love for a long time. But all that was a long time ago and everything has changed now. I have become bitter and can’t give her any happiness. She deserves her share of the finer things of life. Lately I didn’t even feel like kissing Falak… my beautiful Falak!
4
A week or so later, while I was returning home I saw the school girl and her boyfriend standing near our house. I walked past them. They didn’t notice me.
I heard the girl say in a quivering voice, “You want to break up? Why?”
She began to weep hysterically. I looked at her face, the same pained expression. She had large eyes like Falak and they were full of tears. Between snobs I heard her say, “Fine if you don’t believe me. But I’ve never cheated on you. I really loved you. One day you will realize your mistake but I wouldn’t come back to you.”
Something in her words hit me. I was feeling uneasy. I went back home and took a shower. Then I picked up the telephone and dialed Falak’s cell number. After several rings she picked it up.
“Hello”, her voice was cheerful but it sounded thick and huskier than usual. So she had been crying… I felt a pang of something. She inquired about my whereabouts. I did the same. Then we both fell silent. Then I asked very slowly and softly, “Falak, you think you can ever forgive me? You think you could come back, the beast that I have been?”
She took a deep breath and said, “Ever since I left our place I have been praying for this moment to happen. Of course I will.”
I was so happy I started crying. “I am such a loser. I was afraid. I had always been afraid. When you were with me I was afraid of hurting you. When you have left me I am afraid of being alone. I need you, now and forever. I love you. I don’t believe I hurt my angel. I was wrong…” I broke down.
She said, “Shhh. Stop. Let us forget everything. We belong together. We are meant to be that way. Nothing can separate us now. I love you too. I shall come back tonight.”
I said, “Our house is waiting for you to come back to it and so is someone else. I miss you. Come soon…”
